Showing posts with label cinemart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cinemart. Show all posts

Monday, 29 August 2011





"Whenever he dreamed of them, glory and death and woman were consubstantial. Yet when the woman had been attained, the other two withdrew beyond the offing and ceased their mournful wailing of his name. The things he had rejected were now rejecting him."
Yukio Mishima, The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With The Sea

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

perfect endings (i)




One of the faces I love most in the world.
Martin Donovan when he was young.
Why are the faces we love also the ones that haunt us? There is memory of rain, particular rain, past-eleven in the morning rain, in all the faces I love. Being able to remember the exact light, the exact feel of the fake-marble cheap table under my hand. The cheap coffee. The exact light. Rain smells of the pavement it falls on. It's grey.
The needless tragic ending of Amateur. Which is not to say it's not a perfect ending. It's perfect because it didn't have to be tragic. The randomness of its tragic outcome is what makes it perfect. What makes it tragic. It's not the blood, it's not the death. It's the fact that there could have been not-death, not-blood.

Saturday, 18 December 2010

i want my tongue to be my own again.



It's not as easy as saying I don't write in my tongue to hide myself. I run away from my language because I cannot face it. Nor can I face myself, my family, my landscape. There are bits of December sunlight in Madrid that I miss. There are streets in the gay neighbourhood. Sounds. Cafés and bars and certain menus handwritten in chalk. Because I run away from the town I cannot return to the town. Because I run away I miss it.

And then the faces, which are not the faces of my friends. I miss my friends but I do not think about the faces of my friends. I think about the faces of actors. The face of Tristán Ulloa, whom I've been in love with since Mensaka. The face of Roberto Enríquez. The face of Alberto Jiménez. The face and the voice of Marta Belaustegui. Also Leonor Watling whom I've last seen in Lope and who was incandescent in it. Lope is a very mediocre film but it made me long for my mothertongue. We all have secret saints we construct secret private altars to and mine is Lope De Vega. For him I do not dismiss my mothertongue completely.

That is to say, I miss the films of my country because I miss people's faces.

The problem of how to write in your own language when one has felt so divorced from it. The other side of the story, I have help there: if I feel anguish about writing in a language that is not mine - an imprecise language, words that don't come naturally to me - then I turn to Nabokov and his own anguish. But, how to come back to the other side?

I am losing my language word by word. And each word is illuminated, at the same time. I am falling in love and I have no language to speak my love. In love with the loss of my capacities. To seek out the cure I read: that which I love, I read Pablo Rivero, Javier Calvo, Luna Miguel.

To return I read Lope De Vega.

Sunday, 12 December 2010

69 by ryu murakami


This I know.

This landscape is familiar. These boys, sitting on the grass reluctantly sharing a bento talking about Rimbaud and Godard, making up impossible stories to satisfy their egos. The revolution will not come: they are just looking to shag some girls.

I am at ease here and though much of my approach to reading is find out that which I know nothing of sometimes I fall in love with familiarity. Here is a book I can recognize, it is foreign to me and yet it makes me think of all those years of Japanese cinema, it makes me think of my love for Oshima, which is true love no matter how you look at it, his youth films, his pessimistic disillusioned youth films. The memory of a conference by Robert Cueto about cinema and taboo, with bits of Tokyo Decadence shown, with the exploration of masochism as something cathartic. The memory of the years and the thousand of hours of loving fictional japanese teenagers. Everybody falling in love with Ryuhei Matsuda in Blue Spring while I was busy falling in love with Hirofumi Arai. Falling off rooftops. Rooftops are a very japanese fictional device. Now I think about the end of 21st Century Boys. Now I remember all the rooftop scenes in all the doujinshi I collect. My Prince of Tennis doujinshi are full of rooftops. I want to write books full of rooftops. I can't remember if there are any rooftops in All About Lily Chou-Chou but whenever I think about Japanese teenagers I think about Shunji Iwai's film. Now I can't listen to Debussy without thinking about the green grass of Lily Chou-Chou.

All this inform my reading of 69, and my love for it. My love and frustration at Murakami's novels Almost Transparent Blue and Coin Locker Babies. The other ones, In The Miso Soup and Audition, were easier to read but maybe for that very reason I liked the earlier ones more. 69 is like the earlier ones but also easy to read.

It's also a very funny book.

This is the kind of humour I want in a book. Here is my fondness of unreliable narrators (here is me thinking about Kyon in Suzumiya Haruhi and here is me thinking about Tomokazu Sugita's voice, which is the voice I hear when I read the Suzumiya Haruhi books, which I read in Spanish, so really it is Tomokazu Sugita's voice speaking into my head in Spanish, a very private experience). (Now I can't listen to Satie without thinking about Suzumiya Haruhi). The adventures of the narrator trying to shoot a low-budget film reminds me of reading a biography of Shinja Tsukamoto. It must have been 2001 or 2002. I still have that book. I have all the books on Japanese cinema that I once bought. I have sold many of my books but not these.  In 69 I find all that I love about Japanese fiction, about why I love these films, these manga. When I say love I realize I should be saying "obssession". But in 69 there's also the protagonist's obssession with the French. With the nouvelle vague. With looking like Alain Delon or feeling like Jean-Paul Belmondo, or the other way around. About dreaming of French movies he has not seen. In this I recognize myself almost painfuly. I spent my youth dreaming of French movies I had not seen.

69 by Ryu Murakami is the anti-Haruki Murakami novel. This is a good thing.

My love for this book works by association. When the protagonist says that terrorism is the only option I remember all the Wakamatsu films I've seen. All the Wakamatsu films I haven't seen but I say I've seen.

All books should have a scene where two teenagers share a bento in the grass. (They also should have a character that could be played by Tadanobu Asano because if not, what's the point in writing a novel?) Now I remember how, last year, I wanted to write a novel which was a sad, gay version of Touch! I wanted to write about the relationship between the silence of unrequited love and desire and the silence of mute manga panels. I still want to write this book. All my books are a form of fanfic.

Of all the novels I've read this year 69 is probably my favourite.

Saturday, 4 December 2010

all of this can be broken










I might be apart of this
ripple on water from a lonesome drip
A fallen tree that witness me
I'm alone,
Him and me.
Laura Marling

Sunday, 28 November 2010

Friday, 22 October 2010

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

these are the terms.




EVERYTHING we write
will be used against us
or against those we love.
Adrienne Rich.

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

of rebels long gone,




morning of listening to The Milkshakes. specially "Everywhere I Look". the heat. summer is a hideous thing, it should be banned. depressing, the impossibility of finding clothes my size. we got tickets for Inception tonight. i predict a fluke.

Sunday, 18 July 2010

instructions for a sound & light machine.




light constructs him visible. nothing exists in the pauses (the dark corners are dots not holes - something exists). repetition is the totem of poetry. repeat repeat repeat it until it's beautiful.

Saturday, 17 July 2010

i like to read the lines of your face, your history in depth.



There are few things in this world as poignant at Chris Eccleston's face.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Sunday, 18 October 2009

it's God you were looking for.


Things that are brilliant this week:

- Early Sunday Morning re-watch of Bresson's Lancelot Du Lac. I only meant to watch a scene but it's so mesmerizing that I ended up going along for the whole ride once more.

- Louis Ferdinand Celine:
Long live Peter the Great! Long life to Louis XIV! Up with Fouquet! Genghis Khan, ten thousand years! Up with Bonnot-and all his gang! And anybody else for that matter! But weep ye no tears for Landru! Because every bourgeois has got some Landru in him. It's sad, isn't it? And there's nothing to be done about it either! The revolution of '93, in my opinion, was the work of the lackies! Lackies who took everything word for word, lackies who vociferated, lackies of the pen, who, one fine night, took over the castle, all of them crazed by jealousy, raving, riddled by envy, they pillage, slaughter, and then settled in to count up the sugar, the sheets, the cutlery... they inventory everything... they were never able to stop. The guillotine was an accounting office... on they go counting up the sugar lumps till they die... mesmerized by the lumps! You wouldn't even have to hunt them down to kill them-you'll always find them in the same place-down there in the kitchen, counting. They're still there. What can they lose by it! You can't take this pack of windy, intellectual, impressionist, confusionist, leftist, unreconstructed, conservative hair-splitting arguers-all of them up to the gills in ulterior motives-seriously! One look is enough. They'll go where you tell them to go. After the smell of lucre! Onto the soap-box!
- John Hopkins at the ICA, "Insides". Sometimes I wish I could write like music, liquid and lost.

- Gigantic Magazine is out and I've finally caught up. Loving the design so much. I also love this little piece of art intensely.

- Dogzplot call for submissions for their next issue is on the theme of MAGIC. For some reason it made me think of Jonathan Safran Foer's short story for A Convergence of Birds and how I read it as a re-telling of Death in Venice but I never really knew what it was about. Maybe I should write something about magic.

- This poem by Evie Shockley at the Winter Issue of Le Petite Zine.

- Any poem by Bernadette Mayer.

- J.A. Tyler's review of Blake Butler's Scorch Atlas:
Scorch Atlas is a world of mold, a world of festering wounds, a world of hurt. Scorch Atlas is a carefully and meticulously distraught world of language, a trembled and shaken line of thought, a vibrant dead trance of phrasing, the measure of words put together all and in the right ways.


Thursday, 8 October 2009

why we love fyodor


"Loose women would gather in the house right in front of his wife, and orgies took place."
The Brothers Karamazov.

Apart from being a kickass writer in the truest sense of the word "kickass" reading Dostoevsky is always an exercise on regaining the pure, unadulterated joy of late-teenage reading. It brings me back to the time I first started reading Borges, Cortazar, Faulkner. Because, and this is something I don't hear people say nearly enough, reading Dostoevsky is a lot of fun. The kind of books you lose hours of sleep upon, reading into 3 or 4 in the morning for the sheer pleasure of the story, the language, the pathetic and unforgettable characters, the dry sense of humour, the humanity. 2007 saw me falling in love with Crime and Punishment. Last year I read The Idiot voraciously and loved every page of it. I decided to tackle elusive Karamazov (I remember trying to read it when I was 14 in an atrocious Spanish translation, I gave up after 100 pages or so). Sleepless nights to come.

Other cool things read this week:
- Andrew Borgstrom's "Stories with teeth in them" at Lamination Colony. Clever with great turns of phrase.
- JA Tyler interviewing Sean Lovelace for the new Chapbook Review.
- Jimmy Chen's "Check, please?" which I have no idea why I hadn't read before. Sometimes it's hard to be up to day with favourite authors. Also, May was a difficult month.
- Page 94 of Le Clezio's The Book of Flights, specially "let me see the reverse, the interior, life's red hollow, the fissure..."
- Bookslut's interview with Brandon Scott Gorell. I find it hard to talk about poetry, not because I don't read a lot, quite the contrary. What I mean to say, Scott Gorell is amazing.
- George Saunders' "Sea Oak" at the Barcelona Review. For some reason the line "It's Father Brian with a box of doughnuts." has stuck in my head.
- Adam Thirlwell's Miss Herbet, which I've been reading on and off in the uncomfortable couches of Foyles South Bank.
- Senses of Cinema's article on the Straubs & Cézanne. Quite rad. I've only started getting into Straub's and Huillet's work seriously this past summer, it's heavy stuff, even for us former film students but it's completely gorgeous and essential art. It makes me excited about cinema again. Also, glad to be reading Senses of Cinema once more. I had lost track.

Also, Blake Butler got a deal with Harper Perennial. That's really great news. I can think of few authors that feel more exciting than Butler nowadays and it's great to see cool people doing well.

Also, ML Press is going to publish an anthology with all their chapbooks. I am so tempted to pre-order like right this very instant. So many amazing stuff in there; Brandi Wells and Jac Jemc and Brian Evenson and Peter Markus and Johannes Goransson and Eugene Lim and... Well, you get the picture. I wish I wasn't broke (and/or saving for a trip to New York next spring). Maybe even so I will give into the temptation. It's damn cheap, too, if you ask me.

Question: Could buying another edition of Chris Killen's "The Bird Room" just because it has a different cover be considered a waste of money? If the answer is yes, I don't want to know. After all, I own 6 different edition of "Lolita", thank you very much.

Friday, 26 June 2009

it's not that i don't like lit mags, it's that they don't like me.


Another rejection, this time via anderbo.com, for my poor story about gay footballers (wait, you say. aren't all your stories about gay footballers? most possibly, yes). I didn't have much hopes for that one cause it wasn't exactly anderbo material. In any case, I'd thought I'll start posting about these things, at the risk of turning this blog into a chronicle of my failure.

In happier news: the Esotika, Erotica, Psychotica blog reviewing Arrebato makes me very happy. It's a wonderful review, as are most on that blog. In this case I have seen the film, but sometimes I enjoy reading reviews of films I've never seen so I can imagine how they could be. Like I often enjoy writing synopsis for books that haven't been written.

Arrebato is one of those movies, well, in Spain, it is a very big deal. Unavailable for years I had to be content with reading a million essays about it during a long long time. Directors and writers I admired praised it as the most challenging Spanish movie ever made. Its director, Iván Zulueta is kind of a doomed figure. When I finally got to see it I was afraid to be dissapointed, as it often happens with movies of such great expectations. Still, Arrebato is darker and weirder and cooler than anything you can imagine beforehand. I got to watch it on cinema in a festival but watched at home on the small tv screen it is equally terrifying. And strangely exhilarating. It's also my favourite take on the old trope "cinema as vampirism". It made me afraid of Super-8. I like films that are not a representation of relality but a different reality altogether.

Sunday, 21 June 2009

love stories are bresson paraphrasing at best.




when i was 18 i wanted to be chuck palahniuk for like two whole minutes.
i guess it's a phase we all have to pass.
oh edward
oh edward
oh
oh
o e

Sunday, 30 November 2008

is it a happy ending or a broken heart


The optimism of the open ending of Wonderland is not synonymous with a perpetuation of the traditional values which govern "boy meets girl", it does not mean a silly and idealistic mystification of love, it does not respond to to a revindication of the adolescent fantasy of our other half, served on a silver plate by destiny. If the viewer experiences it that way it is because Winterbottom manages something which belongs only to the realm of good filmmakers: to know how to connect the soul of the viewer with that of its fictional creatures, to have finally broken Alice's looking glass, another looking glass.
Sergi Sánchez, "Michael Winterbottom: El orden del caos"